Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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