there's paper in my vomit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize