the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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