Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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