Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
