He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
