Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
