help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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