Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
