My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
