it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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