Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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