i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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