burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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