I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
