I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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