He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
