I want you more than these girls want KFC
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
