I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
