I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
