okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize