if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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