i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
