I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
zippers are such a cool invention
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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