bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
