38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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