yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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