YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize