Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
