I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
