He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
