do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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