What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The power of my boobs compel you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
