Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
