talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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