how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
