Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You left your phone here
Wait...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
