Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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