Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
