Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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