Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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