DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
