girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
