I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
