My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize