Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
