I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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