can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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