My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
