is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize