I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize