I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
