You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
