My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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