I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
