Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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