I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
