I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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