I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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