I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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