I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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