Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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