If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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