My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
