I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
