brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
