Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
