i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
