I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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