I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
