he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This baby is an asshole
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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