Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My vagina just recognized that song.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
