I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
