1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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