Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
