weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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