am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
