Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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