You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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