I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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