standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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