was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
