Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize