on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
