I looked at my own cervix.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
