his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize