Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
