Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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