textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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