ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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