I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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