I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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