i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
