it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
