Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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