Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
