You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize