Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
