Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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