hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
