The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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