yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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