Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize