we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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