I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
