It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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