i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
