just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
