i need an iv and a liver transplant
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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