You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
