why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
