i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
